The main reason why couples choose to have a humanist or celebrant-led wedding ceremony, is so that it feels authentic, meaningful and true to them.
A registrar-led civil ceremony or a church ceremony just doesn’t cut it for many, as the options are so limited when it comes to truly personalising the words and content; and particularly the most important part of the ceremony – the promises and vows.
If the way you are going to make your commitments to your partner and the words that you will speak, really matter to you; if you want them to really reflect your unique relationship, then a humanist or celebrant-led ceremony is definitely the way to go!
Since the start of civilisation, since the idea of marriage began, since wedding celebrations came to be, for thousands and thousands of years, all around the world, the promises and vows that two people state and make, have been at the very heart of the wedding ceremony . . .
They are, after all, what we are gathered to say, to hear, to witnesses and to wholeheartedly celebrate!
It is not surprising then that many couples want to make this brief but incredibly important part of their day, spot on, and therefore they agonise and spend a great deal of time thinking (or having mind blanks!) about the ‘perfect’ words.
With a humanist ceremony, the vows are never prescribed – as they so often are in religious or civil ceremonies. BUT far from being something that should cause a couple any concern or anxiety, the process of creating very personalised promises should be a really enjoyable, relationship-affirming experience.
The beauty of a humanist wedding is that it is totally bespoke and tailor-made – and we can be very creative with it, if you want that. The individual crafting of every part of the ceremony gives each couple the freedom to make it completely their own. The vows are no exception.
Couples can decide on their vow wording with their humanist celebrant or, they can do it together as a pair – or even individually. A surprising number of my couples choose to keep their vows secret until the wedding day. In this case, only I, their celebrant, has seen their words in advance (to ensure they balance and complement – and sometimes to suggest a little tweak here and there – for the sake of a harmonious start to married life!).
As your humanist celebrant, my role is to guide and advise with every aspect of the wedding ceremony, including the vows, giving as much or as little assistance as is needed. Celebrants are, after all, vow-crafting experts, so there is always help at hand, should a couple feel stuck. In my experience, couples who embrace taking ownership of their promises, even if they had reservations about doing so at the beginning, find that it is a very special part of the overall wedding preparation process.
Vows don’t have to be stuffy or serious. If old-fashioned words like ‘thou’ and ‘forsaking’ are totally not you, then why would you choose to say them? Whilst some couples do opt for a traditional feel, and that is perfectly fine, if that’s your preference, your promises can have a very current, modern feel – or they can have a mixture of both. They can contain lighthearted, tongue in cheek notions, alongside sincere commitments. Many couples like to weave a private (or sometimes not so private) joke, into their personal promises! Laughter in a humanist wedding ceremony is warmly welcome, grounding and uniting everyone in the utter joy of the moment.
Promises and vows that fittingly reflect the personalities of the people making them are the very best kind of commitments.
So what if you’re stumped as to how to even begin with selecting the most perfect words?
Well then, in that case, it all starts with a conversation . . . with me.
I ask you together, questions about your relationship. Don’t worry – I’m good at only going so far! I pick out the words that you use when you describe what you love about each other, what makes you tick as a couple, and what’s important to you both in life. I find out the nonnegotiables for you as a pair, what your values are, and your future hopes and dreams. That conversation always kick-starts the vow writing process and then off we go. I make suggestions if you need them, if you’d like me to get you going, and if you don’t, then away you go to give it a shot.
Nothing is ever set in stone – so we can tweak and twist the words along the way.
We to and fro with drafts of the wording, to get it just so. Et voila! Your super-personalised, beautifully meaningful, completely unique vows are created, ready for that incredible moment on your big day . . .
