Want a piece of the celebrant action?
Very often you’ll hear celebrants enthusing and gushing about their life-changing role (me included). Scroll through every celebrant’s social media feed and you’ll come across phrases like ‘best job in the world’, ‘love my job’ and ‘blessed to do this work’. If you’ve ever attended a celebrant-led ceremony, you may well find yourself thinking ‘I’d love a piece of the celebrant action’!
I’m really not exaggerating, when I tell you that almost every week, I’m contacted by folk who are considering training for the celebrant role and who want the inside scoop. I’ve lost count of the number of emails, texts, DMs etc that I’ve been sent over the years, asking me to ‘tell all’. They sometimes ask for a phone chat, a video call, or ask to meet up for coffee with me, to ‘pick my brains’. I’m regularly expected to give up my valuable time, to impart advice and experience, to share my thoughts and tips on getting into the wonderful world of celebrancy . . .
It is true that us celebrants are generally an all-giving, all-loving, generous bunch (in my experience anyway!) – friendly, welcoming, sociable types; personable, warm and engaging (particularly when we’re delivering our ceremonies) BUT please know that we are very busy, beavering away behind the scenes, doing our thing: prep, meeting clients, responding to messages and emails (far too many!), writing scripts, out on the road . . . working our socks off, trying to earn a crust (and it’s really not a particularly chunky one by the way!).
Whilst I can’t speak for all celebrants, I just don’t have the time to answer all the messages asking for advice, let alone dedicate hours to calls and meet-ups with wannabe celebrants. After all, they’re more often than not, complete strangers to me, and they’re not offering me anything in return for my insight and precious time. Come on peeps, I’m a self-employed gal here, with bills to pay!
But I’m really not quite as grumpy as the photo above shows! I do want to share the celebrant love. I’ve therefore put together this blog post, as a compromise. It’s a gift, to all those enquirers – and it’s been written so that I can signpost folk and I won’t continue to feel bad about not answering every message individually!
So here’s plenty of advice to get you started . . .
First and foremost, being a celebrant comes with so many positives – if it didn’t, I wouldn’t still be one!
However, it’s also A LOT of bloody hard work – so much more than I ever imagined! If you want to build an excellent reputation and a successful practice, then this role requires total commitment, plenty of energy, resilience, determination, self-motivation and time – loads and loads of time. And the need to be super-organised goes without saying – that’s if you need to earn enough to cover the mortgage (like me!). If you’re retired, on a generous pension or your partner earns so well that you don’t need to, and you’re therefore considering doing this for the love and a sense of fulfilment, do spare a thought for those of us relying on this work to make ends meet. Just putting that out there . . .
I would never say to people, don’t do it, but I’m always keen for those interested, to really understand, that it’s not as easy as it might seem! Those of us who have successful businesses can certainly make it look very simple, and that’s because we’ve refined our craft over time. We’ve worked incredibly hard, learning so much as we’ve gone along; we have a wealth of knowledge, confidence, expertise and experience – and the very best celebrants never ever stop learning.
The good, the bad (and the ugly!)
So let me break the role down into the pros and cons. . . and I’m going to focus mainly on weddings here (even though I also take funerals, memorials, life celebrations and baby namings) as most of the contact I have, is from prospective wedding celebrants. Some of what I say below also applies to other ceremony types.
The good bits
- Celebrating love and togetherness is, for sure, a gorgeous, uplifting, joyful experience. Providing couples with the very best wedding ceremony, one that beautifully celebrates and captures their story, their community, who they are and what they stand for, and their hopes and dreams for the future, is an absolute privilege and pleasure. Standing up there with them on their big day, delivering a ceremony that you know in your heart is totally perfect for them, feeling the buzz and excitement of love in the air, is a feeling like no other!
- Soaking up positive human connection is just joyous. When you meet that couple (or family) you feel really comfortable with – when you work with them with ease, to create a moment that you are so proud of and they are over the moon with, there’s really no better job satisfaction
- If you’re genuinely interested in people, curious about others’ lives, an active listener and skilled in getting to know people quite quickly, good at picking up on what makes folk tick, and you enjoy hearing and recounting stories, then the role of celebrant is likely to suit you very well
- Creativity is key – if you’re an imaginative soul, very good with words, love writing (hours and hours of writing!), enjoy the craft of pulling together life highlights, adventures, moving moments, poetry, music and symbolism, playing with humour (and light moments can apply to some funerals, as well as weddings) and expressing deep meaning, you’ll most likely be in your element!
- Working for yourself comes with a great deal of freedom and flexibility. You manage your own diary, you take time out on your own terms, you can absolutely go along to that yoga class at 10am on a Wednesday morning or book that impromptu haircut. And if you’re a night owl, whose creative juices flow best at midnight . . . you get the idea!
- You set your own fees. If you want to charge £1200 for a wedding ceremony (and you can find couples who understand your value!) you can feel sufficiently rewarded for all your hard work and time
- If you love all things weddings – visiting gorgeous venues, oohing and aaahing at the outfits, admiring the amazing floral displays and the bouquets and generally immersing yourself in wedding supplier delights, there is plenty of that gorgeousness to be had
- And if you take pride in your appearance, enjoy clothes shopping (like me!), choosing outfits to complement the couple’s scheme or tie in with the dress code for the celebration, it’s a lovely part of the overall ceremony provision process!
- Genuine friendships can come from this role, particularly with other celebrants or wedding suppliers (and in my case funeral directors too). I now have some fabulous associates and friends with whom I regularly meet up, message and chew the fat. We ask and offer advice, recommend each other, pass on bookings, etc. The connections I’ve established with likeminded celebrant folk and suppliers are very precious (and extremely helpful too)
The ugly!
There are however, as with all jobs, the downsides. Contrary to popular belief, this role is unfortunately not all sweetness and light. So buckle up . . . and here goes . . .
- As I alluded to at the start, perhaps the ugliest part of celebrant work for me personally, is money. This is my full time job. My choice, my decision, my responsibility. I made the fairly risky decision, ten years ago, to leave a relatively well-paid, stable role (with all the security of being employed – holiday pay and sick pay provided, pension contributions made, blah blah) to take up a consultancy role initially and become self employed. The celebrant thing wasn’t really on the cards back then – long story, but I won’t go into that now! Bottom line is, despite working full time (often 7 days a week at the height of wedding season) being a celebrant provides me with a much lower income than I was used to. This has meant a huge change in life style. BUT whilst I’m financially far poorer, my life is actually richer, particularly in terms of job satisfaction, human connection, doing something that feels really ‘me’ and making a positive difference to others. But I do feel really frustrated that this work is undervalued and underpaid (particularly with funerals, and weddings too in some circumstances). By the time I get to the ceremony day and I add up all the hours I’ve spent on emails, calls, writing, redrafting, driving (plus fuel cost), meeting clients, printing, prepping resources, reading, rehearsing . . . the list goes on . . . I’m sometimes disappointed that I’m on minimum wage (sadly sometimes less with funerals, if the ceremony has been a particularly complex one or the clients have been tricky). This is the reality of the role. You win some, you lose some and you definitely need to be prepared for that
- Contact from prospective clients and those you are already working with, comes at you all hours of the day (and night). This is something you learn to live with (and perhaps that’s already the case with the job you’re currently doing anyway?). In this age of 24/7 communication, it’s all too easy to slip into reading/answering emails in bed at night and responding to texts at 6am. I’ll admit to doing that far too much to begin with, desperate to make a success of my business. The communication and your clients can dominate your life, if you let them. My advice to anyone starting out, is to get your boundaries firmly in place from the outset and be clear with your clients when you will and won’t be answering messages/taking calls. Managing expectations is really important, for your own sanity
- You will spend hours and hours and hours WRITING – this is without doubt a screen-based role. If sitting at your computer or on your laptop for the majority of the day a lot of the week doesn’t appeal, if you’re prone to writers block or you struggle to focus on a task for any length of time, you might want to rethink this. Cast your mind back to homework and essay writing at school or your uni dissertation – it’s often that kind of intensity – there’s the time pressure too. And then there’s the inevitable redrafting (although now for me, as I’ve got better, this has become a bit less with experience). Multiple redrafts can be a touch demoralising, especially when you’ve poured your heart and soul into creating a ceremony or service that you feel really chuffed with. You certainly have to grow a thick skin and never take it personally. Some clients are prone to overthinking and you just have to suck that up
- Travel – a lot of driving or public transport is required – ticket and fuel costs and wear and tear on your vehicle need to be factored in to your fees, as well as the time it’ll take you to get to your meetings, venues etc. I personally don’t mind driving long distances too much, but that’s not for everyone and of course there’s always the possibility of being late as a result of traffic, breaking down, train cancellations etc and the anxiety that comes with that. The thought of letting a client down, not being able to get to their venue on the big day, for whatever reason, still fills me with absolute dread! I’m therefore always SUPER early arriving on the day of the event to avoid that stress. Of course that means more time devoted to your client and less time with your family and friends!
- Illness/accident – it happens – but in this role there’s no sick pay and no ‘supply teacher’ to call on if a last minute issue crops up! The buck stops with you. The responsibility to deliver on the day, at the time agreed, in the best possible way, is completely and utterly yours. The whole event relies on YOU doing your thing, usually first, to get the party started, exactly as you promised. Yes you can ask a colleague to be on standby to swoop in, if you can give them sufficient notice, but if you’re suddenly incapacitated, you’re leaving your clients high and dry. That worry is always there!
- The need for self-promotion and marketing is real. You have to get yourself out there if you want/need to be busy. Here in the South East of the UK, we are absolutely awash with celebrants – we have by far the largest number in the land. How do I know this? I’m a proud judge for The Wedding Industry Awards (and a fortune twice South East regional winner and National winner too – Celebrant of the Year!) so now I see behind the scenes. The number of celebrants who enter the awards in each region varies hugely. The South East region is by far the busiest when it comes to celebrant entrants. It’s therefore the hardest region to win! And you’ve only got to start googling celebrants in Sussex, Surrey, Kent and Hampshire and you’ll find an ENORMOUS number. Every month the multiple training organisations up and down the land, are churning out more and more freshly trained celebrant – it’s big business!
- So the competition is fierce. Yes you’ll hear the warm and fluffy ‘community over competition’ phrase being banded about by celebrant circles and training bodies (who need bums on seats for income of course) and I’m with it, to some extent (especially when you connect and network with celebrants you’re really comfy with). But when you’re told by a wedding couple that although they’re interested in booking you and they love your website, vibe, etc etc, they’ve got another five celebrants lined up to ‘interview’ before they make a decision, you cannot fail to feel it’s a rather saturated market. Fees are inevitably affected, as new celebrants start out charging far less than those already established (wanting to get bookings under their belts – I understand that). And everyone loves to think they’re getting a bargain, even sometimes the most discerning clients with a large budget. This can feel demoralising sometimes. Knowing your worth, your skill and your experience, is key – sticking to your guns and being true to the service you offer is an absolute must, else you’ll be working for peanuts and you’ll be devaluing the service that all celebrants offer, across the industry
- Social media – love it or hate it (and I definitely have a love-hate relationship with it) – you will need to embrace it, to some extent, to get yourself out there. Sharing real weddings, real couples and reviews is crucial. And we all know how time-consuming creating posts and keeping on top of curating an appealing, attractive feed can be. It’s gruelling and unpaid, but it can return dividends, if you’re clever. Comparisonitus can creep in – be warned – get yourself a regular reality check, be prepared to unfollow and keep those boundaries in place, including limiting the time you spend scrolling!
- If you’re not maths-minded, get yourself a good accountant (which costs £££s of course). You’ll need to keep on top of your finances – listing expenses, keeping a track of mileage and fuel, noting your income from every client, in order to complete a tax return each year. Yawn! It’s as dull as ditch water and it takes aaaages. And then there’s the tax bill to pay, as your reward! Be prepared for this, especially if you’re going from employment into self employment for the first time. Your first year’s income can be reduced as a result as you having to pay tax in advance
- Lastly, and this is a big issue that needs its own blog post really (I’ll get on to that soon!) there’s been the fairly recent and quite shocking move, by the registration services and registrars across the UK, to start calling themselves ‘celebrants’! Yep you heard that right. They are now telling couples outright, that they don’t need to book an independent or a humanist celebrant, because they (the ‘registrar celebrants’) can personalise a couple’s ceremony, just as other celebrants do!! This is not the case, on so many levels, but sadly couples who’ve not done their research, believe it. You can imagine therefore, the impact this is having on celebrant bookings – and the fight is on!
Soo . . there you have it . . . warts and all . . . my take on this weird and wonderful celebrant work. I could go on (and on!) but I think I’ve given you a good idea of how the role works (in my experience) and what you need to be prepared for.
As I said at the beginning, if I didn’t feel the job satisfaction that I still do, I wouldn’t continue in this role. I love it a decade deep, despite the challenges. I hope I can continue for the next ten years at least. And if you decide to go for it, I hope you love it too.
Training
First step then is to LEARN. I’d highly recommend you train properly – and not online, ideally. Yes you’ll pay more for an in-person course, but it’ll be worth it. I’m trained and fully accredited by the charity, Humanists UK. My training was excellent – incredibly thorough, quite long, challenging (as it should be) with a mentor and a training group, preparing me very well to eventually go it alone. I’m not a religious person and so the Humanist route was the perfect option for me. There are now many more training organisations than there were back then. Some are excellent, some seem ok-ish and several are not so good (IMO) – I know celebrants who’ve trained with a wide range of providers and their experience has varied hugely. As with becoming a celebrant, there are no required ‘qualifications’ or ‘standards’ for celebrant training organisations. Anyone – literally anyone – can set themselves up as a celebrant trainer or training organisation. This seems so wrong to me, but it’s because the whole industry is completely unregulated (apart from in those areas of the UK where Humanist celebrants can legally marry couples – Scotland, Northern Ireland and parts of the Channel Islands).
Be careful who you choose to train with. Do your research thoroughly. Read the small print. Find out exactly what you get for your training fee. Read reviews (and ask yourself do they sound legitimate). And I would always advise any wannabe celebrants to train with people who are well-established, who have some kind of a code of conduct, an accreditation process, and who have trainers who are themselves practising celebrants with oodles of recent experience.
. . .
I hope all of the above is useful, and that I’ve answered some of the questions you had about the role.
Good luck with your celebrant journey – if you choose to go for it. I wish you well and perhaps our paths will cross one day!