I’m often asked, why do people renew their vows and what even happens at a vow renewal ceremony?
Whatever kind of ceremony you had when you originally married, chances are, you will have made certain vows to each other, and you’ve committed to those promises ever since. So why would you choose to make those vows all over again?
Well there really is no single answer – and there is most certainly no right or wrong reason either!
What motivates a couple to renew their vows, inevitably varies from couple to couple and those who choose to do it, say that it was a beautiful, life affirming, joyful moment in their lives; that they are just so glad they chose to embrace!
As each couple’s relationship is totally unique, often their reasons for choosing to reaffirm their commitments to each other, are very personal and individual. That individuality is the perfect starting point, when I meet a vow renewal couple, and we begin to talk, plan and create a bespoke ceremony for them.
So here are just some of the reasons that the couples I’ve worked with, have wanted to take part in a renewal of vows celebration in the first place:
❤️First and foremost, the simplest, but the most powerful motivator for couples, is that they want to truly CELEBRATE and share gratitude for the strength of their love and their ongoing relationship – no matter how long or short their marriage so far.
❤️Some couples arrange a vow renewal to mark a milestone wedding anniversary. Whilst any anniversary is absolutely appropriate, couples often choose to renew their promises to each other on a ‘special’ anniversary such as their 5th (wood) 10th (tin), 20th (china), 25th (silver), 30th (pearl), 40th (ruby), 50th (gold) or 60th (diamond).
❤️To celebrate the creation of a family (if the couple have had children) and perhaps the bigger, better community that now surrounds them. Some couples wish to acknowledge and express gratitude that their relationship sits happily within an important group of people, who mean so much to them, and who contribute to their sense of fulfilment and contentment in life; therefore enhancing their marriage.
❤️To gather loved-ones and close friends around them – reliving the fond memories of their wedding day – having everyone special to them together in a lovely place – a wonderful excuse for a personalised, memorable party – which includes and engages the most important people in the couple’s lives.
❤️To acknowledge that the couple may have had significant challenges to cope with, and that as a result of the strength of their partnership, they have together overcome hardship. Perhaps there has been a period of significant illness to endure, or maybe a time of financial strain. Whatever the difficulties experienced as a pair, celebrating getting through tough times and the subsequent better times, is the perfect reason to hold a vow renewal celebration.
❤️As well as celebrating the past and sharing gratitude for all that has been enjoyed and achieved together, a vow renewal is a wonderful opportunity to look forward as a pair, to times yet to come and to express hopes and aspirations for the future.
❤️Some couples not only choose to reaffirm the promises that they made to each other on their original wedding day, but many decide to add to those original vows (or to state new promises altogether), writing and making further pledges, to acknowledge their maturing and changing relationship over time. In doing so, couples are able to celebrate the strength of their union and those successful elements of their partnership that have brought them to this point – promising to continue to do those things that bring continued joy and contentment.
❤️ To dedicate quality time to reflect on their relationship – with a clear, meaningful purpose for that reflection. On every occasion, when I’ve met with a couple to talk with them about their ‘story’ and their marriage so far, in preparation for their ceremony, they’ve reported thoroughly enjoying that part of the overall process; really benefitting from the opportunity to consider what makes them tick as a couple, what they continue to adore about each other and how they see their marriage moving forward into the future.
❤️One couple who I did a vow renewal for, were motivated to do it because they had always secretly been a bit disappointed by their wedding day. Sadly, that was for various reasons, but the primary one was that it didn’t feel sufficiently ‘them’. They had been persuaded by their parents to go down a particular route, which meant there hadn’t been any opportunity to really personalise their ceremony or to make the bespoke commitments they would have chosen to state to one another. They had always promised themselves that they would have ‘another wedding’ one day, and next time it would be ‘their way’. So if there was anything about your original wedding ceremony that you’d like to improve or build upon, a vow renewal celebration is the perfect opportunity to say ‘I do’ all over again, in a way that’s absolutely perfect for you!
❤️In my experience, a vow renewal can be an occasion full of much fun, laughter, and joy, as well as some very moving moments. What’s not to love about getting together with those people who make you happiest, to clap and cheer together, to celebrate love and the continuing marriage of two human beings, who have chosen to stick together for life, because both continue to agree that each of them is still the perfect match for the other.